Teenagers
The importance of loving containment during the...
If you have a teenager, you might be forgiven for believing that they don’t seem very interested in you. Their world has become all about their friends and it’s easy to feel as if you’ve become a commodity or servant; someone who just helps them get all the things they need. This pushing away is natural and important. Teenagers need to go through this process of self-identification. And the work you do – being available for what they need (often last thing at night, when you’ve just dropped – knackered and semi-asleep – into bed) – is crucial. It can feel hard to suddenly find you’re sharing the house with a mysterious, headphoned, screen-locked goblin, rather than the sweet child you’d swear they were only last week. It’s tempting at this stage to leave our ‘big kids’ to it. (Perhaps this was the way we were parented at the same...
The importance of loving containment during the turbulent teenage years
If you have a teenager, you might be forgiven for believing that they don’t seem very interested in you. Their world has become all about their friends and it’s easy...
Finding a balance with phones and social media
For each My Teen column, I wait for a theme to arise naturally. This time, an article and a conversation led me to the topic of social media. The first was a Facebook post regarding the increase in teenage depression and anxiety in recent times. One fact leapt off the page: “A teenager checks their social media accounts fifty times a day on average.” Fifty times! With each check, there is an unconscious and subtle comparison with others’ lives, and possible feelings of “Am good enough?” “Is my life successful?” “I wish I had that body, face, life…” The writer stated that checking social media so frequently was one of the leading reasons for anxiety. I shared this amazing statistic with my two teenagers during dinner. My daughter piped up, “I think I look at mine about seven times.” She reeled off the times that checking her account fits into...
Finding a balance with phones and social media
For each My Teen column, I wait for a theme to arise naturally. This time, an article and a conversation led me to the topic of social media. The first...
Supporting teen girls to be who they want to be
Your daughter discovers her answers to the biggest question of them all, ‘Who am I?’, by listening to her inner voice, following her dreams and having an awareness of her ancestry. As a person finds peace with who she is, and lives according to her core beliefs, she frees herself from needing to fit in. Daring to dream Children are inspiring: they watch someone and immediately imagine that they too could be a superhero, pop star or Olympic athlete. Children are brilliant at reaching for the stars. They imagine an adult life of great possibility: running a riding stables or flying jets, writing a best-seller or designing clothing for celebrities. Adults do these things, and children are inspired. We adults must refrain from pouring our cold reality onto their dreams, believing we are protecting them from unrealistic hopes, sparing them from disappointment. Is it really better not to dream the...
Supporting teen girls to be who they want to be
Your daughter discovers her answers to the biggest question of them all, ‘Who am I?’, by listening to her inner voice, following her dreams and having an awareness of her...
How to translate teenspeak and survive adolescence
Priya Mahtani helps us to understand our teenagers Sauntering down the stairs, modelling her new purchase, my daughter appeared in ripped denim shorts and a white cropped top. My heart skipped a beat. Just days before her 13th birthday, and the results of her first ‘solo’ shopping trip with her best friend, this was certainly a much more grown-up expression of her newfound interest in her appearance. Admittedly she looked gorgeous. Her big brown eyes stared at me, slightly curious and full of sass – I could almost hear the song ‘This is Me’ from The Greatest Showman playing in the background. “Oh, wow,” I said with a grin. “What on earth have you done with my daughter?” It was official. My sweet, angel girl had turned into a teenager. There are countless defining moments in our parenting journeys. Babies become toddlers, and children turn into teenagers, seemingly overnight. Just as...
How to translate teenspeak and survive adolescence
Priya Mahtani helps us to understand our teenagers Sauntering down the stairs, modelling her new purchase, my daughter appeared in ripped denim shorts and a white cropped top. My heart skipped...
Nine ways to support teens to build self-reliance
The greatest difficulty is our own fear in the face of our teenagers’ powerful striving to create themselves. As a teenager, my oldest son, Yonatan, had friends who were far from representing our values, and his wardrobe and activities gave me a lot to worry about. After two years he was done and moved on. As we were talking one day about growing up, he said to me, “Mom, the best thing I had these last few years was your complete trust in me.” Trust is powerful for both you and your teenager, especially when she is trying out new fads or impressing friends in ways that worry you. Your trust keeps the core being in your child or teenager alive, so she can feel confident in her own ability to return to herself, much like she did when she ran away as a toddler. Parenting is letting go of...
Nine ways to support teens to build self-reliance
The greatest difficulty is our own fear in the face of our teenagers’ powerful striving to create themselves. As a teenager, my oldest son, Yonatan, had friends who were far...
Building authentic connection with teens amidst...
Recently my husband and I began to watch a popular teen TV show, purely for sociological reasons. We aimed to familiarise ourselves with mainstream teenage media influences. We observed that the parents were portrayed as mainly helpless bystanders, unable to influence their teen’s activities and lacking in an ability to engage or understand their teenager’s life. Hollywood in general, glorifies that it is not ‘cool’ to hang out or like parents when you are a teenager. In this series, the father was portrayed as disinterested – absorbed in himself and his work. The mother was seen as busy and independent. In one scene, she was concerned that the family hadn’t sat down together for a meal in three weeks. She organised a family breakfast at home and chose this time to interrogate the teenager, who then said, “I’m off!” It is natural for teenagers to grow in self-autonomy, but this...
Building authentic connection with teens amidst real life
Recently my husband and I began to watch a popular teen TV show, purely for sociological reasons. We aimed to familiarise ourselves with mainstream teenage media influences. We observed that...
Eleven ways to understand and connect with your...
I’m not telling you it is going to be easy. I’m telling you it is going to be worth it. Anon I love this quote. It directly relates to parenting teenagers. I’m in the midst of this journey, with a 16-year-old son and a 14-year-old-daughter. I am a Rudolf Steiner teacher and a parenting author. I’ve spent most of my life in rooms full of young children, but life with teenagers is a new stage for me and I’m learning along with everyone else. I fall down and try again, re-evaluating our relationships. I have a tendency to worry. I’m in awe of their beauty and knowledge, and also shocked by their moods and sudden strange ways. Through all the painful and joyful moments of letting go and holding on, creating boundaries and giving more freedom, I feel inspired to make mental notes of what works and what is required...
Eleven ways to understand and connect with your teenager
I’m not telling you it is going to be easy. I’m telling you it is going to be worth it. Anon I love this quote. It directly relates to parenting...
