Family Living

Spring Sling Show 2012

March 15, 2012

The Spring Sling Show is on Saturday 24 March 2012 from 11am until 3pm at Somers Town Community Association, 150 Ossulton Street, London, NW1 1EE.

Join a day of celebrating slings and babywearing. Find out more about using slings, with information, advice and demonstrations throughout the day from babywearing consultants and experienced babywearers.

Browse the marketplace to try out and buy a wide variety of slings, carriers and accessories. Exhibitors include: Mama Natura, Connecta, Petit Poppet, Je Porte Mon Bebe, Natural Mamas and South London Sling Library.

Visit the café for tea, cake and a chance to meet other parents who carry their babies and toddlers.

Enter a fundraising raffle with amazing prizes donated by sling manufacturers from around the world. All proceeds will go to the UK Sling Libraries Network and the North London Attachment Parenting Group.

The Spring Sling Show 2012 is sponsored by Hoppediz.

For more information visit www.springslingshow.co.uk or www.facebook.com/springslingshow2012

Filed Under: Family Living, News Archive

Geocaching

March 12, 2012

This weekend we went Geocaching. Geocaching, as described on the website, is “a real-world, outdoor treasure hunting game using GPS-enabled devices. Participants navigate to a specific set of GPS coordinates and then attempt to find the geocache (container) hidden at that location”.

It might sound geeky, but it’s good fun, for all ages.

We were introduced to Geocaching by Murky Bucket (her Geocaching name) and she kindly took us and another family out to show us what to do. It’s easy when you know how. You can either load coordinates of the cache you wish to find onto a GPS device, or use an iphone or ipad to download info from the geocaching website and follow a map. The cache is marked and your position is marked and you follow the map to the spot, then search for the cache.

The beauty of using iphones was that the children were able to hold them and navigate where we should go. This for us was the attraction of geocaching – it combines a walk outside (which the grown-ups are keen on) with playing with gadgets (which the children are keen on), so helps find a balance between real-life experiences and screen time (which can be difficult – I will be writing about this in the summer issue of JUNO).

It was great to see the children so engaged. They really took to it and were carefully following the maps and discussing which path we should take to get there. When we arrived at the position they used the coordinates to get closer and closer then all looked around for the hidden container. Three year old J found the first cache! Murky Bucket was impressed, and we discussed how maybe geocaching is suited to children because of the different way they think and their enthusiasm for getting down on the ground and dirty or sticking their hands into holes in trees!

We were out all afternoon (and what a beautiful afternoon it was) and writing this my cheeks have that wonderful flush and glow from spending time outside.

Murky Bucket says geocaching can be harder in the summer as if trees are overgrown you lose signal. You have to “triangulate” – step back to where you have signal and take markings to try and locate the cache. But there are not just caches in woodlands; they are all around the country, and indeed the world. This is more of the fun; wherever you travel you can look up and see if there are any caches to find.

My children are already hooked. We’ve registered on www.geocaching.com (it’s free) where we can log our finds. In each cache is a notebook where you jot your name and the date you found it. You can swap little pieces of treasure or leave your “avatar” sticker. My 8 year old is now desperate to know who The Awesemoes are, who had found all the caches before us. Geocaching can become an interactive social event, where you recognise other seekers or go to find caches they may have laid. There is kudos to be the first to find a new cache!

I’m not sure we’ll be hiding caches for a while, but I’m just happy we’ve found a new game to play outside. The children are already asking when we can go again.

Filed Under: Activities, Editor's Blog, Environment, News & Events

Early Childhood Action – challenging the EYFS curriculum

March 9, 2012

Richard House asks us all to think carefully about what is appropriate in a curriculum for the early years

It is critically important that early education practices promote physical and emotional health and not exacerbate illness… No human being can achieve his full potential if his creativity is stunted in childhood. And no nation can thrive in the 21st century without a highly creative and innovative workforce. Nor will democracy survive without citizens who can form their own independent thoughts and act on them.

Edward Miller and Joan Almon, US Alliance for Childhood¹

There exists a growing international movement for the protection of early childhood experience from the worst excesses of a poisonous cocktail of forces that include a control-obsessed ‘modernity’ and its accompanying ‘audit and surveillance’ culture, materialism and commercialisation of childhood, and the inexorable incursion of soulless technological forces (ICT) into the very heart of early childhood. In the USA, the Alliance for Childhood (AfC) has in the past few years been campaigning assiduously against the loss of genuine free play and the relentless incursion of overly formal learning and testing into the American preschool kindergarten domain, and has published a number of outstanding reports on these issues, quoting the copious research that exists to challenge these practices.² The famous child psychologist Jean Piaget referred to what he called “the American question” as “How can we speed up the developmental process?” and it is this ideology that has so much to answer for with regard to the many ways in which children’s early experience is being impinged upon and damaged by a hyper-modern worldview that fundamentally misunderstands the nature of early human development.

From awareness to action in England

While all this welcome resistance and challenge has been happening in the USA, in England an organisational initiative called Early Childhood Action (ECA) has recently been formed, with a very similar aim in mind to that of the AfC. ECA is an alliance of England’s early-years individuals and organisations, founded to campaign intensively in the first half of 2012 to influence the government’s final revision of England’s statutory Early Years Foundation Stage (EYFS) curriculum for children aged 0 to 5. It is highly significant that a goodly number of eminent international figures (professors, writers, campaigners) have publicly signed up as supporters.

ECA is not dominated or controlled by any particular organisations or individuals, and all ‘voices’ who have in good faith aligned themselves with ECA have equal respect and potential influence. It is strictly non-party-political and has as its overriding aim the wellbeing and flourishing of all young children, from whatever background, in developmentally appropriate environments free of preordained learning or developmental goals.

An alternative early-years framework

ECA is launching a direct ideological challenge to the current British coalition government by drawing up an alternative ‘Foundation Phase’ framework that explicitly addresses the concerns about the EYFS as set out in its Manifesto (see below). An alternative framework document will be formally published in the spring of 2012 and will be made widely available, galvanising the early-years sector around an early-years framework to which the majority of practitioners, academics and parents can enthusiastically subscribe, and which avoids the worst aspects of the current statutory curriculum. ECA intends that the success of this alternative framework will be something that the government and its Department for Education (DfE) will be unable to ignore, showing that the sector really does have a collective ‘mind of its own’ and will no longer passively accept whatever is imposed upon it by government diktat.

We in ECA believe that key aspects of the EYFS curriculum are wrong in principle, and that the current government shows no signs of rectifying many of the errors that were enshrined in the EYFS from its conception and in its subsequent implementation in September 2008 – notwithstanding repeated representations to government ministers and the DfE about these issues since 2007. Thus those who engage closely with government early-years policy-making have had the repeated experience of the DfE being quite impervious to rational argument, determined as they are to drive through their own ideological agenda. So much for the fashionable totem of ‘evidence-based practice’, which modern governments disingenuously claim to support!

The new framework document will be the distillation of progressive, leading-edge research and experience from across England’s early-years sector, and it will help early-years leaders, managers and parents to draw on their own professional and parental judgement to determine which of the two curriculum documents – ours or the EYFS – provides the more developmentally appropriate framework for young children’s early development and learning.

‘Speaking professional truth to political power’

What has also brought us together in ECA is the shared experience that a kind of paralysing fear currently dominates the early-years sector in England. Many principled practitioners, and even parents, simply dare not speak out in public about what they know to be problematic about the EYFS curriculum, as they fear their future career prospects or working lives will be compromised or discriminated against as a result. We also know of practitioners and academics who strongly support one or several aspects of the EYFS, but who dare not speak out about what they know to be wrong about the rest of it, lest their rightly coveted EYFS ‘babies’ get thrown out with the rest of the EYFS ‘bathwater’. ECA is determined to show that this does not have to be an either/or situation.

We are also aware of the compliant mentality that a statutorily imposed curriculum commonly generates in practitioners, and the ‘learned helplessness’ that can so easily flow from it. This in turn makes it exceedingly difficult, if not impossible, for practitioners to find the courage to speak professional truth to political power. Our alternative early-years framework will demonstrate to practitioners and others that there is a better way, thus empowering them to stand up against imposed pedagogical practices that they know to be wrong and that are likely to affect adversely at least some of the children for whom they are responsible. In addition, because the EYFS has generated an associated ‘industry’, and the conservative forces that any suggestion of significant change will therefore almost inevitably unleash, we expect ECA to provoke criticism and resistance from a number of self-interested quarters in the sector, often for highly complex and varied reasons.

Manifesto for action

ECA’s ‘Manifesto for action’ consists of a number of key points, and will serve as a backdrop to the drafting of our new framework:

The recognition that free imaginative play should be at the centre of young children’s experience and learning (cf. the position of the Alliance for Childhood on the issue of play).
A strong belief that the over-assessment and excessive monitoring of young children, with the accompanying ‘audit culture’ mentality, must not come to dominate or significantly influence early-years practice and the healthily diverse ways in which practitioners work with children.
A conviction that the EYFS’s statutory Early Learning Goals (ELGs) require a radical overhaul, if not abolition, with the age-inappropriate demands of the overly cognitive literacy and mathematics ELGs requiring particular attention.
A recognition of the prominence that needs to be accorded to young children’s physical development, to the important Key Persons approach, and to children’s right to regular access to the outdoors and the arts.
A belief in the need for much greater flexibility in the school-entry framework, for a number of reasons, including the importance of every child having the necessary time to achieve emotional and social readiness for more formal learning. All children should have the right to have their school starting date deferred at least until the legal date of entry, without losing any of the rights accorded to other families. Parents also should not be pressurised in any way to bring forward school commencement before statutory school age.
We recognise that there are highly contrasting and principled views held about early-years ICT and screen-based technologies, with both strong supporters of what is viewed as their creative and socially cooperative usage, and significant concerns relating to what is seen as an over-emphasis on their benefits, and their compromising impact on the quality of early play and social interactions. As an absolute minimum, any framework needs to have both viewpoints fully represented by its respective proponents, with accompanying evidence, so that practitioners can be left free to reach their own informed decisions about these technologies – and certainly with no statutory guidelines or targets being set by government for ICT and screen-based technologies for very young children (as scandalously exist at present).
A conviction that the early-years environment needs to be free of all commercial interference, whether marketing is directly or indirectly targeted at children and those who care for them.
Major concerns about the catch-all statutory nature of the EYFS framework, with a belief that only those aspects of the framework that are very widely regarded as being uncontroversial and essential should remain statutory, with the rest becoming voluntary ‘guidance only’.
Finally, the conviction that government needs to find effective ways to address inequality that do not involve indiscriminately imposed policies and curricular frameworks that ‘catch’ all young children in their wake. A complex balance needs to be struck between the wish for equality and the statutory imposition of inappropriate early interventions, which can easily generate long-term harm.

An accompanying open letter was published in The Daily Telegraph on 7 February 2012,³ signed by such prominent figures as neuroscientist Baroness Susan Greenfield; writer Philip Pullman; eminent childcare authorities Penelope Leach, Pie Corbett, Sue Gerhardt, Linda Pound and Maria Robinson; author of Consumer Kids, Ed Mayo; and professors Janet Moyles and Agnes Nairn.

A new cultural initiative

A recent National Audit Office report questioning the effectiveness of England’s early-education investment over the past decade amply vindicates the viewpoint of those who have been criticising policymakers since the introduction of Britain’s National Curriculum over 20 years ago for ignoring teaching professionals and arrogantly thinking that they know best. Back in 2010, 14 university professors of education wrote an open letter to Britain’s prestigious weekly Times Educational Supplement,⁴ urging that our education system be ‘depoliticised’, before politicians do any more damage. The founding of ECA should be seen in this light, as a new cultural initiative that is fundamentally challenging the legitimacy of governments imposing compulsory statutory practices on professionals that those same professionals know to be harmful to at least some of their clientele – in this case, to very young children.

The total failure of both rational argument and practice-based evidence to influence government thinking has left early-childhood campaigners with little choice but to play ‘the ideological game’ themselves – but to play it even better than the government. ECA’s new learning and development framework will be informed by a long list of specialist experts, national and international, who have agreed to act as consultants to the drafting process. In this way the process will be open, democratic and reflexive, with all ECA supporters being given the opportunity to feed back on the first draft of the framework before the final published version is released in spring 2012. At best, ECA’s bold initiative promises to precipitate a crisis of legitimacy in the British government’s whole approach to early-childhood experience.

Let me respond, too, to the accusations that some apologists for technological modernity routinely lob our way – for example, that we are naive ‘technological determinists’, and/or some kind of conservative reactionaries, or uncritical ‘moral panickers’, or nostalgic, over-sentimental commentators who are romanticising a non-technological past or some ‘golden age’ of childhood that never in reality existed. These assertions could hardly be further from the truth. What I and my colleagues are ‘guilty’ of is bringing a radical, critically reflective capacity to the breathless momentum of modern technological change, a concern with taking a paradigmatic perspective on the place of technology in the evolution of human consciousness, and a passionate wish to protect what is fundamentally human from the march of ‘the inhuman’ and from the machine (as written about so incisively in the 20th century by philosophers like Martin Heidegger and Jean-François Lyotard). And there is surely no more important and emotionally charged place for the unfolding of this paradigmatic battleground than in our children’s early experience in the nursery and the kindergarten.

Finally, it’s not only big business that can exploit the potentialities of an increasingly globalised world –campaigners and activists are able to spawn new global-level cultural movements that governments will (thankfully) find it increasingly difficult to manage and control. Whilst there are undoubtedly significant downsides to the unparalleled access to information and communication that the internet has unleashed, it is an extraordinary phenomenon for galvanising and organising citizens’ support and mobilisation at a global level. And to use the language of the great German philosopher Jürgen Habermas, it has the potential to precipitate previously unheard-of ‘legitimation crises’ in relation to government policy-making, which will in turn make it increasingly difficult for governments to impose ideologically and vested-interest-driven policies that activists and campaigners systematically expose as having no rational or evidential basis.

For more information about ECA, to offer support, or to get involved in this important new cultural and professional movement, please visit www.earlychildhoodaction.com or email info@earlychildhoodaction.com

Notes

1. Edward Miller and Joan Almon (2009), Summary and Recommendations of Crisis in the Kindergarten: Why Children Need to Play in School, downloadable free from the Alliance for Childhood (USA) website. http://www.allianceforchildhood.org/sites/allianceforchildhood.org/files/file/Kindergarten_8-page_summary.pdf

2. See, for example, Joan Almon and Edward Miller, ‘The crisis in early education: a research-based case for more play and less pressure’ (Alliance for Childhood, November 2011) – along with a series of AfC information fact sheets, all downloadable free from the Alliance for Childhood (USA) website. http://www.allianceforchildhood.org/sites/allianceforchildhood.org/files/file/crisis_in_early_ed.pdf

3. See the abridged published version at http://www.telegraph.co.uk/comment/letters/9064521/Helping-children-to-develop-in-their-early-years.html

4. Times Educational Supplement, 2 April 2010, ‘Battle lines drawn in fight to remove politics from education’. http://www.tes.co.uk/article.aspx?storycode=6040351

Richard House is Senior Lecturer in Psychotherapy and Counselling, Department of Psychology (RCTE), University of Roehampton, London. His books on education include Too Much, Too Soon? – Early Learning and the Erosion of Childhood (ed.) (Hawthorn Press, 2011) and Childhood, Well-being and a Therapeutic Ethos (co-ed. Del Loewenthal) (Karnac, 2009). Richard is a founder-member of the Open EYE campaign for open early-years education and of Early Childhood Action. He contributes regularly to a range of professional education publications, and to the peer-reviewed and professional psychotherapy literature. A trained Kindergarten and Class Steiner/Waldorf teacher and education campaigner, he organised the Daily Telegraph open letters on the state of modern childhood in 2006, 2007 (both with Sue Palmer) and 2011. r.house@roehampton.ac.uk

Image by Julia Hamilton – www.oneanother.ltd.uk

Filed Under: Education, online content

Suzy Miller reviews Parenting Apart: How Separated and Divorced Parents Can Raise Happy and Secure Kids by Christina McGhee, Vermilion

March 4, 2012

In 2009 divorce coach and parent educator Christina McGhee and the UK family law organisation Resolution launched Parenting After Parting, a service that offers workshops to separated parents. But, as with all parenting programmes, not enough parents are willing to give it a go. The problem is that we seem to be very sensitive about our role as parents, and hate the idea of going on a course to discover that what we learned from our own parents doesn’t actually work that well in practice.

Christina was the divorce coach in the Channel 4 series How to Divorce Without Screwing up Your Children. Because I don’t have a television, I haven’t seen the series, so reading Christina’s book Parenting Apart was my first introduction to her work.

I often find ‘advice’ books rather bland, as they need to appeal to such a wide audience, and they often lack real passion or any message that might upset the majority view. Yet I found much to inspire me within the pages of this book.

“One of the best ways you can help your children is to take care of yourself.”

Now that is a message that needs ramming home, to mothers in particular who feel that taking time out to file their nails is some kind of betrayal of motherly commitment. Mind you, since I have three children of my own, my nails are in a terrible state, but my confidence in the quality of the advice being proffered was already starting to increase.

“Although family, friends or co-workers may have good intentions, remember that their perspective might be biased or based on their own experiences. There will be times when the advice you receive from others is not right for you or your children.”

As the creator of events that help people start over from major life crises – including divorce – I often find myself telling newly single parents to beware of well-meaning friends and relatives who ‘take sides’ and enflame an already delicate family situation. So Christina’s advice felt right on the mark. And let’s face it, when it comes to parenting, everyone has an opinion, but rarely is it based on any solid evidence of being any good.

“You will never be able to change or control your ex but you always have control over your attitude, your perceptions and your actions.”

This is the core message of all coaching – and coping mechanisms – and by now I was starting to hanker for some clear, unequivocal encouragement for readers to take decisive steps to change the course of a destructive break-up, by using mediation or collaborative law and avoiding going to court over any aspect of the divorce process. It does get a mention, but not as much as I was expecting.

And what about dealing with the children?

“Prepare your child for transitions.” Sometimes we as parents ignore just how painful and difficult family break-up is on children. We hate statistics like those from the divorce survey by Mischcon de Reya, where half of the parents involved said that they had sought a day in court to haggle over residency arrangements despite knowing it made matters worse for their children. A quarter of parents said the process traumatised their children so much that they self-harmed or were suicidal. Between 15,000 and 20,000 couples go to court to resolve child-access disputes each year.

I am passionate about educating parents to stay out of court, and I yearned for the book to share that message more forcefully. But this ground was covered very carefully with statements telling us that, when creating two homes, sadness and signs of depression and self-harm were something to watch out for, and that suicide is a serious issue amongst the young, with the stress of divorcing parents a possible factor.

Where the book was really strong was in giving grounded, practical advice on how to deal with the children on a day-to-day basis:

“It’s been estimated that children need to receive between three and five positive statements to offset the impact of one negative comment.”

There were some great ideas such as using a ‘pen-pal’ notebook to encourage kids to ‘talk’: “Three things I like about my family are…”

“Three things that could be better in this house are…”

“I am most upset about…”

“I am worried about…”

“I wish…”

Christina provides good advice on dealing with blame and negative statements made by one parent about the other in earshot of (or even directly to) the children. And if a child is struggling with why Mum and Dad can’t just get back together, have a look at the pizza and doughnut story on page 178. Simple, funny and very powerful.

Communication using neutral, non-inflammatory ways of talking is not only what those of us who have tested out parenting courses learned was how we should talk to our kids, but also the way we need to talk to our ex. Good advice of course – but HOW???

And even here, Christina comes up with some good suggestions:

“Love your children more than you hate your ex” is one I particularly liked. Also, using a friend to rant to, but in a structured way so you don’t end up letting the anger stage of divorce take over your life.

Some of what I took away from the book I have now made my own – including using vocabulary I gained from the book on a recent BBC Breakfast appearance with my extended family. I referred to their father’s wife and new baby as “bonus mum and bonus baby”. Vocabulary is important: the book suggests reframing “contact” as “parenting time”, “residential parent” as “on-duty parent” and “non-residential parent” as “off-duty parent”.

“Residential home” becomes “mum’s home” and “dad’s home”.

A parenting plan, based on guiding principles like “I am committed to my children’s emotional wellbeing and success in life”, is one of the most valuable suggestions in the book. Many divorcing parents struggle to arrange childcare while talking to each other is an emotional minefield. Committing to a shared vision and making a real plan is a great idea, though personally I would add in: “If you just can’t seem to make it happen, then get some help from a parenting coach or a mediator.”

There are some good pointers on how to deal with that ‘difficult ex’. Here is one:

• Write down three statements that describe your ex – no restrictions. Begin each sentence with their first name.

• Now rewrite those statements – but change your ex’s name for your child’s name.

Pretty clever, huh? Works for me. It has often been said that resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

There is a great deal of wisdom within the practical, reassuring pages of Parenting Apart. But if I had any doubts about a lack of passion from the author in her commitment to non-adversarial break-up, they were dispelled by a long telephone conversation with the author herself. Christina (who you can contact on Twitter @christinamcghee) is a dedicated pioneer of educating parents on how to do the least harm to their children when going through a major life crisis like divorce. My frustration about the lack of awareness of alternatives to going through the courts was matched only by Christina’s frustration at the fears parents have about attending parenting courses.

Parenting Apart is full of valuable gems for all parents – even those who are happily married. But if you ever get the chance to attend a parenting course, where you will discover that not being a perfect parent is a fairly common condition, you will have the opportunity to learn even more gems than even the best book can provide.

Suzy Miller is the inventor of Travel Guide for Divorce (in a box), which includes over £500-worth of access to skilled professional advice. Ribbon is optional. Available for £40 including VAT and UK postage at www.sosdivorceinabox.com. Suzy created the UK’s first ‘divorce fair’, the Starting Over Show, which supports people going through major life changes like divorce, redundancy, bereavement and other tough stuff.

suzy@startingovershow.co.uk

Filed Under: Ideas, Relationships

A dad’s story

March 1, 2012

Paul Allen describes how it feels to become a parent for the first time at the age of 53

“Rather you than me” is something I heard a lot when I became a father for the first time at 53, about the time a lot of my old school friends had become grandparents. My wife Liz and I live in deepest rural France and it was here that we decided to have our baby rather than return to the UK as a lot of other expat parents apparently do.

Would we cope with the language? Did we understand the system? A problem arose in that health care in France changed after November 2007 such that you were not entitled to state health care as a matter of right if you became resident after this time and were not of state pension age – i.e. us!

I was a police officer for 32 years in the UK and, having joined straight from school at 16, I was entitled to retire at 48 with a decent pension and a lot of ideas. We had been married for several years, with no children on the horizon although we were both very keen on the idea. We made a decision: we would throw ourselves at the mercy of the French health-care system and see if it was possible for us to have a baby.

With several inches of snow on the ground, Liz asked me to drive her to a local pharmacy to buy a pregnancy test kit. As I cleared the snow and frost off the car, I started to wonder: could this be it? A whole range of emotions were flying around. Is it possible? Will it be a false alarm? What if it is positive?

Waiting for the result, I went and cut some wood with my mind in free fall. At the agreed rendezvous back in the kitchen some 10 minutes later, the testing device under a paper kitchen towel, we slowly revealed the kit and stooped to examine it. Did those two lines mean that the test was positive? Of course they did! It then began to sink in that I was going to be a father at last! I danced around the kitchen in sheer joy and delight at what was a life-changing event. Most people retire to take it a little easier without the pressure of work. I was now about to become a dad for the first time, with all the sleep-deprived nights and nappy changes ahead.

The world as I knew it was about to change forever. No longer could I just think about myself and Liz.

Our son Jack was born without any difficulties other than that he was dehydrated and very tired and was unable to feed from the breast for a couple of days while he had a drip placed in the vein at the top of his head. His treatment following birth was excellent and we could not fault the staff who looked after him.

The big day came when it was time to bring Jack home. A few of our French neighbours came out to bid him a warm welcome and offer advice.

How did I feel about bringing my son home? Elated, nervous certainly, and other emotions that came rushing through in this initial period. I wanted to play as full a part as I could in helping out with Jack, as I knew from what my father and others had said that they did not really play much of a role with the baby as they were out to work in the morning, not getting home until nearly the baby’s bedtime. I wanted to be involved in everything, given that I had the opportunity to do so without the usual work structure and the time constraints that went with it.

After the first two or three nights, I did appreciate why some older heads had said “Rather you than me”. I was walking around in a state of shock and disarray. Tired, emotional, confused, to name just a few feelings. I had spent most of my career on shifts, including regular night work, but that was nothing compared to this. I found myself waking at the merest sound. Was Jack still breathing? Was he warm enough? Did he need anything? The routine quickly became a part of life and I soon found myself forgetting what my life had been without Jack around, as I had to adjust to his needs as a priority rather than my own.

My response to the “rather you than me” people is this: I have had the opportunity to have a son at a point in my life when I have the time and energy to devote to him. I can join in with his little triumphs: that first crawl, that first step, the simple pleasure of throwing or kicking a ball; and I value the joy and pleasure of being around him all day long and sharing his life.

I know that as Jack gets older some people might think of me as his grandfather, but I know for sure I would not change what happened and that being an older parent, even for the first time, can be a wonderful, exciting and rewarding experience and one that I can fully recommend.

Paul Allen is the sales manager for EnglishSpoken.com and lives in the Poitou-Charentes region of France with his wife Liz and their son Jack. They are expecting their second child in May.

Filed Under: online content, Relationships

Unity Partner Yoga – DVD giveaway

February 27, 2012

JUNO has one copy of Partner Yoga for Pregnancy and one copy of Partner Yoga to giveaway. Click here to enter. Competition ends on 31st March 2012.

Gillian Dunne writes about the healing power of Storytime Yoga in Issue 27 of JUNO, published 1 March 2012 and available to buy here.

Unity Partner Yoga has been created by Sevanti who writes:

Unity Partner Yoga is a refreshing and fun way to reach a deep and profound connection with oneself and others. Sharing our yoga practice allows us to access a wide range of experience, from trust and support to laughter and lightness. We can access a sacred peace and stillness, whilst also feeling light and playful.

Through joint- back/forward bends, spirals, inversions and balances, we can gain more strength, balance, endurance, elasticity and fluidity. By allowing another person to guide us deeper into our individual possibilities, we often reach new realms of openness and softness. We share the give and take of being active or passive in a pose, and we can learn so much by assisting our partner, and become more conscious of caring communication. All of these aspects help with how we relate, by being authentic and responsive to our own needs, whilst recognising and allowing space for the requirements of another.

Partner Yoga emphasises trust and surrender, it allows us to be held and honoured.

You can practice with a friend, relative, partner/spouse and with children. It can also be practiced in trios and larger groups, and is appropriate for ages and levels of experience. Children love Partner Yoga, it is a fun way to interact, and brings out compassion, trust, community spirit and a sense of belonging. Partner Yoga allows them to feel supported and loved for who they are.

Partner Yoga for Pregnancy

Unity Partner Yoga is incredibly useful in pregnancy and labour. The mother-to-be can be supported in a unique and nurturing way, which acknowledges and honours her miraculous capacity to produce and give birth to, a new human being.

Postures in Pregnancy Partner Yoga focus on opening the hips, strengthening the legs, releasing strain and tension and relaxing the mind and body. This can optimise the enjoyment of pregnancy, and aids the preparation for labour. The birthing-partner is shown how to best support the birthing woman, using their own body, and a large ball which is often helpful in childbirth.

We practice simple meditations, pranayamas, mantra and trust exercises before weaving our way through a range of asanas, which may be gentle, or more advanced to offer something for everyone. We complete our practice with relaxation and Yoga Nidra, precluded by partner-massage if desired.

Unity Partner Yoga for Pregnancy offers an opportunity for stillness and connection with oneself and one’s yoga-partner, as well as sensing and welcoming the growing baby within.

Sevanti has been running Unity since 1995, offering Yoga Retreats, workshops and classes. Her school was established in 2000 with her Brighton based Yoga Studio, where she teaches the Unity Yoga Teacher Training (recognised by the IYN). Sevanti also runs a Holistic Massage Diploma (validated by MTI), and Traditional Usui Reiki courses (validated by Embody).

Workshops:

April 72012 – Unity Yoga and Partner Yoga Workshop from 9.30am until 6pm, £80.

April 8 2012 – Oil & Acupressure Massage workshop from 10am until 6pm. For Beginners/Improvers, £80.

Or £130 for 7and 8 April.

May 122012 – Partner Yoga for Pregnancy Workshop from 9.30am until 6pm. £140 per couple.

Early bird prices are reduced by 10% if booked 1 month prior to workshop.

Weekly Classes for families:

Parent & Toddler Yoga classes are taught by Sevanti each Wednesday from 9.30 until 11am, bookable in a 6 week term.

Evening Adult Yoga Classes run each Thursday from 8.15 until 10.15pm, bookable in a 6 week term. All levels of experience welcome!

All classes and workshops are held at The Unity Studio, Lewes Road, Brighton

Retreats:

Sevanti runs many Yoga Retreats, the next one for families, where children are warmly welcomed is in Turkey, near Olu Deniz, from 20 until 27 August 2012.

Contact: sevanti@being-in-unity.com.

www.being-in-unity.com

Unity Partner Yoga is a trademark.

Filed Under: Activities, Ended Competitions, Health, Pregnancy / Birth

Balance Bike Blog – Post 6

February 27, 2012

We were blessed with warm, sunny weather this weekend so the bikes were dragged out of the shed. J was keen to ride her bike around the garden. There is now no hesitation, she is off! I watched her whizz along, her feet flying lightly from the ground. Sometimes she held her legs up to freewheel. She was keen to race her brothers along the lane. I could not keep up, so watched anxiously as three bodies disappeared into the distance. This is a new experience for me as J is usually somewhere by my side.

What is wonderful about this bike is that she truly has learnt balance and confidence in a very short space of time. Her legs are only small but she was able to keep up with her 6-year old brother. She was going so fast that she did lose control a couple of times, but, unfazed, she put her feet down and hands up and let the bike tumble beneath her as she laughed it off. It did not put her off at all, I think because she feels she has control of herself the whole time. That is what I think can feel frightening about riding a bike, when you feel it’s running away with you and you can’t get your legs down to stop. With the Rohan, J is getting the experience of riding a bike without any of the fear.

Islabikes are holding a Family Fun Day on Saturday 31 March 2012. Click here to find out more.

Filed Under: Activities, Balance Bike, Ideas, Travel

Saffia Farr reviews 100 people who made history: Meet the people who shaped the world by Ben Gilliland, DK

February 22, 2012

This book “celebrates the people who have made their mark and changed the way we live”. Each person has facts about their life and what they did that was important. The pages are illustrated with photographs and caricature people with “big heads” that are photographs of their faces. This makes the book very lively.

We all very much enjoyed the different information about each person and the wide cross-section of people featured. It might not always be obvious who should be selected, but some of the choices mean you can learn interesting facts about everyday items. For example, did you know that the battery was invented by Alessandro Volta; hence why the amount of electrical potential of a battery is measured in “volts”?

This book puts these everyday items into context – the how and why they were invented, and why they were so influential. It’s interesting, clear, concise but full of fascinating facts and up-to-date – including Mark Zuckerberg and Steve Jobs. Especially interesting is the “they couldn’t have done it without…”, which shows the progression of inventions that lead to the “wow” invention.

As a family we have really enjoyed this book, and will continue to dip into it. If you enjoy personal history and lots of soundbite facts, this is a great book for you.

Filed Under: Editor's Blog, Family Living, For Children, Ideas

Social Consequences of Poor Infant Attachment… “Two Is Too Late”

February 22, 2012

Judy Crompton from The Northamptonshire Parent Infant Project invites you to a one-day conference

This lovely picture is of a happy, healthy mother interacting in a loving way with her baby. Sadly, there are too many mums and babies in the world who don’t share this experience, for many reasons. Mums with post-natal depression, with chronic mental health problems, alcohol and chemical abuse, youth, poverty, and sometimes because they had a baby as “someone to love me” instead of the other way round. There is also the problem of repeated fostering whilst social services decide what to do. How much does this matter? The answer is, a lot.

There is a part of a baby’s brain that is almost entirely undeveloped at birth. This is the ‘social’ part of the brain, which enables the growing baby, child and eventually adult to sustain relationships, to be emotionally secure, and to empathise with other people. When a baby is in a positive and loving relationship with a parent or carer, then this part of the baby’s brain puts on a huge growth spurt from around 6 months old until around 12 months old. If a baby is neglected or abused or has a negative or inconsistent relationship with the parent, then this part of the brain suffers and may never grow adequately.

Research shows that the baby whose ‘social brain’ does not develop is likely, from a young age and throughout his or her life, to display anti-social behaviour, to be unable to regulate feelings of anger and/or depression, and to fail to build successful relationships. In fact, the evidence is so compelling that it is believed it is possible to predict two-thirds of later chronic criminality from behaviour already being shown at preschool age. Realistically, we have until the baby is two years old to begin to help.

In order to spread the word and bring the vital importance of infant mental health to the fore, particularly to people who work with families, on 18 May 2012 we are having a large conference, sponsored by The University of Northampton, called Social Consequences of Poor Infant Attachment… “Two Is Too Late”.

The keynote address will be given by Iain Duncan Smith MP (one of our patrons), and there is a really wonderful list of speakers, including the neuroscientist Baroness Susan Greenfield on the effect of neglect on a baby’s brain, the founder of Kids Company Camila Batmanghelidjh on the practical issues of what happens to children when it all goes wrong, and the psychologist Dr Michael Galbraith on the financial cost to society.

The Northamptonshire Parent Infant Project (NORPIP) was started by Andrea Leadsom, MP for South Northamptonshire, who is joint vice-chair of the All-Party Parliamentary Group on Sure Start Children’s Centres and was chair of OXPIP (The Oxford Parent Infant Project) for ten years. We have a team of specialist psychologists and therapists who work with mothers and their children under the age of two where there are attachment difficulties.

We would love to see you at the conference. You do not have to be a professional to attend.

www.eventelephant.com/NORPIPconference2012

Filed Under: News & Events, Pregnancy / Birth

The healing power of horses

February 14, 2012

Mary Roche explains how EquATA changed the negative course of her teenage daughter’s life

The relationship between me and my daughter had always been tricky. Communication was never easy; more often than not we caused each other confusion, resulting in many misunderstandings and frequent upsets.

As Lisa neared 11 years old I noticed that the situation was getting worse. By the age of 12 she could no longer understand the need for simple rules and boundaries and began to react very badly against everything. Her reactions became extreme, and no matter how much I tried I could not get her to see how dangerous and vulnerable her life had become.

I sought help from many services but felt that I was not really taken seriously. I began to fear for Lisa’s safety. I reached a point where I did not know what to think or feel any more and did not know where to turn for help. Through this time my relationship with my partner broke down and I felt completely isolated and totally inadequate as a parent.

Eventually my fears became reality. Lisa was physically and mentally assaulted and suffered post-traumatic stress as a result. I wanted to comfort her and say and do all the right things, but still we struggled. To help Lisa we moved away from the area. Although she was now safe, she no longer interacted with anyone outside of our home and could not attend school. Shortly after, at 14 years old, she was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome.

Lisa was extremely withdrawn and had very little self-esteem or confidence. I tried to get her involved with clubs, part-time schooling and home tutoring, but nothing seemed to help. In fact, things became worse. Lisa could no longer cope with the pressure or demands of either me or professionals who felt she needed to interact or engage with others.

The only consistent interest she had was in animals, and on many occasions she had asked if she could have horse-riding lessons. Feeling that this could be beneficial and a means of getting her involved with things outside of our home, I searched for a long time for a place that could meet her needs. Eventually I received a call about EquATA, who were offering an afternoon of riding and close contact with their horses. I was informed that there would be no pressure or expectations of us and that everything would proceed at my daughter’s pace. This seemed ideal.

Within a few minutes of arriving at EquATA, Lisa was stroking and brushing Known, an ex-cavalry horse aptly described as a gentle giant. As time went on she felt confident enough to sit on him without a saddle, and she liked the feel and warmth of his skin. The session progressed at a very gentle pace and ended with a beautiful ride through the woods. For the first time in a very long time I saw my daughter relax, as she became ‘in tune’ with the horses and the whole environment.

I find it very difficult to describe adequately that first session and all sessions since. Many words come to mind but do not do justice to the feelings I experienced. Lisa says the sessions are “wonderful, great and amazing”.

We now attend each week. Sessions for us are a combination of sensory work, riding and education, tailored specifically for our needs. This kind of approach within a safe and caring environment enables Lisa to truly be herself, and as a result she is developing into a confident and trusting young woman who is progressing socially, emotionally and educationally. The sessions show me a side of Lisa that I believe would otherwise be hidden. This really is something special that is bringing us closer as a family.

I believe the approach is so successful for us because of the enormous effort, determination, understanding and kindness of Jo and Ellie and everyone who is a part of EquATA. EquATA is the only place where we can enjoy, experience, learn and grow and, more importantly for us, heal together as a family. Everyone is included. I am able to communicate with Lisa now in a way that I always wanted to. We can be relaxed and happy in each other’s company, and at home we spend most of our time enjoying things together instead of apart. Our relationship has improved so much that we are able to make decisions and changes with confidence – something we did not think possible for a very long time.

Lisa has now attended her first day at college after being out of school for 2½ years, and she is looking forward to working with her passion (horses) in the future. I am also looking forward to following a passion in cooking. None of this would have been possible before we discovered EquATA. MR

EquATA is a not-for-profit organisation that combines the use of specially selected horses and a qualified mental health team to provide services for people in need of therapy for emotional and mental health issues; personal development assistance for building self-confidence and self-esteem; and developing management skills for leadership, teamwork and assertiveness.

www.equata.org

equata4all@ymail.com

01536 330 533

Filed Under: Activities, online content, Relationships