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Issue 1
The Daily Review
By Sarah Wilson
At the time of writing my youngest child is 19 years old; my eldest approaching 25, and my day-to-day role as parent is quite different from the one it was some years ago. Then, with three children and a husband who spent long hours out of the home working to support his family (so that I could be at home with the children), I discovered the value of the daily review. It has been my friend and helper ever since, although, as is typical of a true friend, not always one who told me things I found easy to hear.
How many times had I come to the end of an exhausting day, settled the children into bed, only to be left with that faint, nagging voice telling me that something had not gone too well that day; and that warm feeling I experienced as I watched my sleeping angels, I knew that I wanted to manage things better for my family. I started to work with the idea of a simple meditation on the events of the day. I would work backwards from bedtime in my thoughts, and one by one, both good and not so good moments would once again pass before me, but bathed now in a calm, reflective light. I was able to see again my mis-handling of one or other of my children. This was not in order that I should feel the sense of failure, but so that I could, through revisiting it, learn something, and so find a new understanding which could help me find a different response or simply a different strategy for the future.
I had to be careful not to dwell only on my shortcomings, as often the things we do well tell us as much about ourselves as our failings, and this was not meant to be a punishment. I experienced a new consciousness in my parenting and a surprising awareness of the striving in my children, who always responded positively to my efforts, however experimental. The most significant benefit of this review for me, was the opportunity to reveal something of the essence of my children or family dynamic through the objective distance of the review. This helped me to keep in sight their essential quality and nature when responding to them, rather than focusing on their behaviour, however difficult it might be.
After some years now of working with the review, I feel sure that what we are able to see when we reflect, we also have the capacity to change if we wish. What we cannot yet see may well reveal itself in the future, when we have developed the strength to transform it. Some people are reflective by nature; for them, this may well be a familiar process. Life today, however, has a tendency to rob us of these quiet moments, unless we strive to protect and preserve them.
I still use the review. It helps me see, understand and learn from each day, often in very small ways, and it reminds me that, like our children, we are all in the process of becoming.
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© Juno Magazine 2007 |
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